I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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