I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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