Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
