take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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