On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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