i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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