So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
