I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
