I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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