And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
