i don't like sucking hair
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
