that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
