And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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