im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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