There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
