they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
