hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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