is wine microwaveable?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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