So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
