Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
