i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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