My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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