i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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