Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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