chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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