Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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