My Higher Power is John Stamos
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
