i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
