"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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