I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
