bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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