I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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