I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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