There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
