Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
