Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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