Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
