She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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