Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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