dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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