Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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