He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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