I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
