She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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