It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
