That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
