i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
