I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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