Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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