so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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