i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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