how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
