Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
