Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Randomize