Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
