We won't sleep together?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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