Me too!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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