Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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