I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
