real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
