why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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