Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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