I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
