my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
