he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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