you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
