i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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