Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
